Has anyone ever masturbated into a Petri dish to look at their own sperm under a microscope? I never have but I have been thinking of this concept for some time now.
It boggles my mind that I have never seen my sperm. Sperm are me and I am my sperm (or somthing like that). Yet I have no knowledge or visual registry of my full Self. Surely there are other men out there intrigued with this concept?
This idea came to me when thinking of Investment Bankers (‘Bankers’ pronounced with a ‘W’ – what, what). These men are inflated super-ego maniacs who will readily spend a rainy day, when they are not working 22 hours shifts, doing the aforementioned masturbating into a Petri dish to hunch eagerly over a designer microscope in their bespoke underwear to look at their own sperm and further realise their ability to create life and hold sway over millions of capitalist minions in their testes – truly Masters of The Universe.
Fair enough Investment Bankers will look at their Petri dish and place bets on which sperm survives the longest, give the winner a Power name (Winston, Julius, Milton) , freeze dry it for the possibility that a future leader may be encased and then masturbate again…
… But that’s not the point. The point is we all should look at our sperm, partly to alleviate any doubts of being a Jaffa (if you are without offspring as in my case) or if you have confidence issues and need self-help to determine your reason in this life (Accountants in this case).
Forget the spermatozoon wastage that presents MTV, appears on Big Brother and reads the News at 10 – I want to watch my own sperm.
I will have to investigate this further. The Nigerian Minge is intrigued.
